Saying Goodbye to a Hard Year

It is New Year’s Eve and even though the cupcakes we baked look festive, my heart just cannot follow suit. How do you say goodbye to one of the harder years of your life? A year when you chased a dream hard and in the end realized you just weren’t ready to make the cut. A year when you felt about as sick and broken as you ever have in your life. A year when people you loved died to soon and you learn that kind of heartache doesn’t just go away.   As we prepare to countdown 2014, I still really don’t know how to send it off. I guess all I can hold onto is what I have learned along the way: Sometimes you have to try and fail and try and fail and try and fail again before a dream is realized. And the failure isn’t even really failure after all. It is growing and learning. Painful sometimes, but necessary nonetheless. When you pray for complete healing it means you have to dig down to the deep roots of your fear before you can let it go. Also it helps if you ask for help along the way. And taking antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication is not a cop-out, it is a Godsend. After years of striving and longing and wishing I was in a different place in life, I am finally learning to be content right where I am this moment. Even if it is not where I thought I would be or where I wanted to be. So as I say goodbye to 2014, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to put no expectations on 2015 whatsoever. There will be no resolutions or big dreams or even fears. It will be what it will be. And I will learn to be what I will be in it. And that is enough.]]>