There are days when I seem to be the Queen of anticipatory anxiety. All my doubts and worries about the future line up and run through my head.
On these days it is sometimes all I can do to lay in bed, breathe, and recite the manta, “It is going to be okay, It is going to be okay, It is all going to be okay,” until I muster the courage to throw back the covers and face the day.
On one of these overly worried days recently, I turned to my husband and asked him, “It is going to be okay, right?” His usual answer is, “Yes, I think so.”
But on this day the words I heard come out of his mouth were this,
It is Already okay.
My husband brought tears to my eyes though he didn’t know it, for I had heard those words eleven years before while I was carrying my unborn son through a high risk pregnancy. I spent most of the last half of my pregnancy on bed rest and was terrified of losing my son. All I knew to do was to lie on the sofa as I had been instructed and pray for God to help my son to make it out of my wonky womb alive and well.
One day after falling asleep praying for my unborn son I had a dream that he had already been born and all was well. As I woke up with the image of my healthy baby boy in my mind, I whispered to God, “I wish this was true, I just wish I knew he was going to be okay.”
In one of the few times I’ve felt like I’ve heard the whisper of God I heard this message, “It is already okay.”
Although there were moments when I still feared for my son, the dream and its message brought me a sense of peace that I sorely needed.
Though nothing in my life right now is as scary as a high risk pregnancy, I find that I still need to hear this message from time to time.
My mind gets so set on worrying about all that can go wrong in life, I need to be reminded of all that is good and right about the moment I am sitting in. For in truth, that is the only moment that I really have. If I miss the blessings of this day worrying about tomorrow, I have in truth missed it all.
This weekend, I encourage you in the midst of your doubts and fears to look around you and know the deep truth that Julian of Norwich shared with us, “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.”
In fact it is already well.
May you find rest with the travelling birds and the changing leaves and a cup of something hot in your hands knowing the deep goodness and wellness that surrounds you.
For indeed, it is already okay.